Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

Developing Co Parenting Skills: Working Together To Raise Happy Kids

Sunday, June 28th, 2009
parenting
Laura Doerflinger, MS, LMHC asked:


Co-parenting isn’t easy. It’s actually quite a chore. When neither parent is willing to negotiate or communicate, the child has the job of transitioning from one parenting style to the other. As a parent educator and family therapist, I have seen many anxious and confused children affected by their parents’ inconsistent rules and styles. Sometimes children do this under the same roof and sometimes under two, but the bottom line is that it is the parents’ responsibility to create a balance.

Parenting skills vary much like personalities. The differences can be as subtle as the setting of bedtimes to as serious as choosing consequences for bad behavior. The bottom line is adults have a number of motivations for parenting. For instance, they might try to do better than their parents. Thus, we attempt to find new and effective strategies to raise good kids. These ambitions can be difficult enough. Now add the challenge of joining forces with another adult who was raised by different parents and who may be select different strategies.

So how do parents, married or divorced, stay clear and consistent, raise confident children, and feel influential as parents? They learn how to work together and become better co-parents! Here are several successful co-parenting steps:

Identify your personal style and motivations. Your first job in becoming a successful co-parent is to figure out your general style and motivations. If it were all up to you, how would you parent? How would you motivate your children? How would you use punishment and encouragement? What are the top 10 values you would like to teach your kids? Now ask yourself WHY? Why would your style be that way? What is your motivation? How did your parents parent you? Are you attempting to repeat their upbringing or compensate for it? Share your parenting style and motivation with your co-parent. I understand that you might feel vulnerable sharing your style and motivation. Your style may be different than your spouse’s style. In order for you and your partner to co-parent successfully, you both need to appreciate and support the ideas you bring to the table. When you listen to where the other parent is coming from, it will allow you to join forces. Before deciding on a parenting style and direction, consult parenting books and classes. Now that you have looked at each other’s parenting style, take a look together at good parenting books and the current research. Report back to each other and consider how your styles measure up. Decide on a parenting style. You now have several examples of parenting strategies and philosophies. Its time to blend what you believe with what your co-parent believes and what the experts say. This is the ultimate in negotiation but remember that if you do not negotiate at the adult level, it leaves your child to figure it out. Once you’ve decided, then write down the basics and embrace your new co-parenting style. Implement your new co-parenting style. Now you parent! Both parents are on the same page. Children are clear on what is expected of them and what the consequences are if they do not follow the family expectations. Thus, it lessens the occasions of arguing between the parents and the opportunities for manipulation by the children. Hold weekly co-parenting meetings with your spouse. Since you are the CEOs of your family and are business partners in a very real way, you must stay in constant communication. The success or failure of your family rests in your capable hands. Thus, co-parenting meetings are a must! These meetings should include finances, home maintenance, parenting, and relationship issues. Meetings should be held weekly with schedule book, meeting journal and budget book in hand. Continue to review your parenting style. You may find that one child thrives under your new system while another loses balance. Good co-parents always re-evaluate and restructure when necessary.

We are busy parents today. It is difficult to take the time to evaluate our parenting styles but the payoff is big for you as a parenting unit as well as for your child. Co-parenting takes the pressure off our children and the conflict out of our lives.

Copyright 2008 Parent Education Group - Reprints Accepted - Two links must be active in the bio. The article homepage: http://www.familyauthority.com/articles/family-day.html



Parenting Process

Friday, June 26th, 2009
parenting
Deepti Singh asked:


Parenthood is a feeling of completeness. It is a thread woven of memories. Memories of happy and sad times, of pain and of joy. Parenthood is a continuous activity, it is a process in itself. Parenthood process is irreversible. We all take birth, grow up, grow old and finally find peace in God. This is a human life cycle, which cannot be altered, so is parenting process. Once a parent, is a parent forever. Parenting process helps evolve a person, as a child, as a parent and above all as a human being. Parenting process affects our personality, our attitude towards life over time and throughout the course of the life cycle.

The process of evolving in parenthood, becoming a parent is a gratifying and pleasing experience but also very demanding and nerve-racking. We would request and suggest that parenting process is the right time to greet and embrace the change of a lifetime.

Someone, very rightly said, it is tough to understand the parenting process unless you become a parent yourselves.

As a new member of parenting process, the new parent must understand the significance of a mother and a father in the life of your child. It is usually assumed that a mother plays most important role in parenting process. But, to completely neglect a fathers position in parenting process is not right. An affectionate, time devoting father, who participates in the child’s daily activities, help shape up the child’s personality in a manner which mother cannot do. This paternal element of closeness in parenting process helps develop the child emotionally as well as mentally. Parenting process, thus emphasizes that love of both the parents is a healthy and healing experience for the child. We would suggest that if the child is considered to be fruit of parenting process, mother and father are the roots of parenting process.

A very important understanding and learning of parenting process is that, as a parent you are always at the giving side of the relation. Parenting process states that you should not expect returns from your children. To give all your love and support to your child, is an eternal element of parenting process.

The other important key factor of parenting process is that the parent must learn a fact that children learn what they see. As a parent you must preach only what you proclaim, you yourselves know. Children are a mirror of what they see. So being a parent, as a learning of parenting process, parent must not introduce children to tension, confusion in life or any sort of harsh or fight behavior, at least through the family. Children replicate what they see, so mark your actions and words; this is the base of parenting process.

At the crux of parenting process, be positive in your attitude, and your child will follow. Be hopeful, full of energy and life, accept challenges, strive to achieve the perfection, this way the parenting process will help shape-up the personality and identity of your child.



Article on Parenting Styles - Which One is Right For You? The Answer May Very Well Surprise You!

Friday, June 26th, 2009
parenting
Gareth Williams asked:


There are many ideas about how to raise children. Many new parents re-call how their mom and dad parented them and make parenting decisions based on what they did or did not like about how their parents raised them. In addition to re-calling memories from their childhood, they also reach out to gain support and advice from friends and family or maybe even take a parenting class. A very popular way to gain knowledge about parenting is to read books or an article on parenting styles written by Pediatricians or Psychologists. There are many different ways to raise children, but parents can now seek out Specialists to discover the parenting styles and practices that are the most effective and that lead to a positive outcome.

If you take the time to find an article on parenting styles you will find that parenting styles come in three main categories. These styles are Authoritarian, Permissive, and Democratic. Parents can be a mixture of these styles or fall in one or more categories. How a person was raised can have a lot to do with what type of parenting style they will have as parents themselves.

The Authoritarian parent always tries to be in control of their children. They set rules and expect for them to be followed. They usually do not like for their children to ask questions about why they are told to do something. Authoritarian parents, in general, are not very warm and affectionate to their children. Despite loving their children very much they are very critical of their children’s short comings. Children of these parents have a difficult time thinking for them self, as they are always told what to do and never have a chance to develop critical thinking skills.

In an article on parenting styles, the Permissive parent is described as one who has few rules or boundaries for their children. They are very warm and loving to their children despite their children’s faults or achievements. However, Permissive parents do sometimes get overwhelmed with the negative behavior of their children and don’t know how to fix it because they have gotten into the pattern of not enforcing rules and boundaries with their children.

The Democratic parenting style is one in which parents engage their children into discussions and rules setting. They allow their children to see what the consequences of their actions will be and help them to avoid pitfalls of those actions. If you read an article on parenting styles, you will find that the Democratic parent is more of a teacher than the obedience police. They allow natural consequences of their children’s actions to be the lesson. They do set reasonable and age appropriate boundaries for their children and are warm and loving despite performance.

As you can see, there are different styles of parenting to choose from. It is your choice as a parent to choose which style you want to have, and not just fall into one because that’s how you were raised. Be the parent that you want to be!



Looking for a Parenting Article for Homosexual Parents

Thursday, June 25th, 2009
parenting
Veronica Fisher asked:


There is no denying that homosexual parenthood is now a valid personal choice. Along with the increasing acceptance for homosexuality comes the increasing acceptance for homosexual parenthood. It cannot be denied however that homosexual parenthood still has a tremendous share of challenges. Homosexual parents may be in need of a good parenting article to help them through. The fact is, the practical parenting article for homosexual parents is not that easy to come across. This is because the common parenting article for same sex parents may involve in varying degrees a history of homosexuality, current views on homosexuality and experiential accounts. What is a parenting article for homosexual parents trying to tell us?

While a good parenting article should include some practical tips, a parenting article for homosexual parents should also include a lot of other things. This is because a parenting article for homosexual parents should also show the reality of how homosexuality is accepted in today’s society. Yes, your parenting article may tell you that many people are now accepting homosexuality and same sex parenthood as a valid way of life. On the other hand each and every parenting article for homosexual parents also tells you that homosexuality is still very much a controversial issue.

Your typical parenting article will tell you for example that among some higher ranking government officials, the concept of same sex marriage and parenthood is still not accepted. Your parenting article will also tell you that many other religious institutions, social groups and individuals merely diplomatically couch their words of disagreement and criticism. You will also be told that bullying in schools of children of same sex parents is still very much a reality. Why do homosexual parents need to know about all this?

A parenting article for homosexual parents should be able to inform parents of the present truths about homosexuality and how children of homosexual parents are actually treated. Such knowledge can better prepare homosexual parents for the unique challenges of homosexual parenthood. How can kids for example be taught confidence if they are derided in school? How can you expect your child to accept and understand your chosen way of life if his outside social environment is telling him not to?

A good parenting article therefore for homosexual parents should look into realities first before anything else to educate same sex parents. On a more positive light, a parenting article may also show the actual optimistic truths about homosexual parenthood. Reading in a parenting article about the good aspects of homosexual parenthood is both encouraging for homosexual parents and a way for them to educate their children about their family situation.

It is for example positively enlightening to know that according to studies, same sex parents are also capable of rearing healthy, normal and socially functional children. Many children of homosexuals are also able to develop meaningful relationships with people around them. Articles for homosexual parents should therefore invariably educate and encourage. Parenting articles for homosexual parents show the uncolored truth about homosexual parenthood, with all its parental joys and challenges.



Leaning on a Good Parenting Tip for Same Sex Parents

Thursday, June 25th, 2009
parenting
Veronica Fisher asked:


Parenting has undeniably become a more complex reality than ever before. One of the crucial issues in the aspect of modern parenting is same sex parenting. Although it may be true that same sex parents may have existed even before this century, the issue has become more prominent in the modern age. There may be a variety of reasons for this, but whatever the reason, same sex parents and their families are on the social spot light.

Some support while others criticize same sex parents and these parents are probably out looking for a good parenting tip amidst all the hoopla. Same sex parents are still parents and are therefore equally as concerned for their children as heterosexual parents. Their need for a relevant parenting tip in a world where each parenting tip is for heterosexual parents is immediate. What can be a good parenting tip for same sex parents?

Be Honest

The foremost parenting tip for same sex parents involves honesty. There is, after all, no point in being with a partner you love if you have to keep it from your children. A recommended parenting tip therefore is to explain your situation to your children as soon as they are able to understand. When should parents speak up? Another crucial parenting tip is knowing when the appropriate time is. Kids are different from each other. Some mature faster than others. It is generally accepted though that kids today have an early recognition and understanding of reality as kids a few decades ago. A good parenting tip is to know your kids yourself. As a parent you know when the right time is.

Build a Close Relationship

Crucial to the parenting tip on honesty is the parenting tip on building good relationships with your kids. It’s easier to be honest with a child with whom you are close with. At an early age, be your child’s favorite playmate, confidante and best friend. Make your child comfortable with you by spending as much time with him/her. Make him/her feel that you will be around to help and that it’s okay to tell you things. Any parenting tip would tell you that building a close relationship starts while your child is at a young age.

Communicate Love and Logic

While you’re at the parenting tip on building a meaningful relationship, make sure that your relationship is based both on love and logic. Tell your kids that being gay doesn’t necessarily mean that you are less successful than other people. Tell them too that being gay doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll love them less or provide for them less. Tell them that there is no connection between being gay and being an incapable and unfit parent.

Accept Reality

An important parenting tip for same sex parents is the acceptance of reality. Sure, gay couples accept their being homosexuals. What they should also accept however is that their children may be made to suffer for their parents’ sexual orientation. Not everyone accepts homosexuality. The mere fact that major political and social leaders in American society have voiced opposition to same sex parenthood is enough indication that society has not fully accepted the gender choice. It is a good parenting tip to accept that kids may be bullied so that one may be better able to address the problem.

Seek Help

A final parenting tip is to seek for professional help for your kids and family. In spite of your best efforts to boost your child’s confidence and make him/her understand that homosexuality is not an abnormality, your child may not easily cope with the situation of being bullied. When the situation becomes too much for you to handle, look for support groups, counseling opportunities and parent resources to help you.



Co-parenting: How to be a Parenting Team When You’re No Longer a Couple

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009
parenting
Alvaro Castillo asked:


Co-parenting may not come naturally to you, particularly if you’re a high-conflict couple or you’re still recovering from the nastiness of a divorce. Divorced parents need to make a concerted effort to keep their conflicts with each other separate from their relationship as co-parents to their child.

Every year, 1 million U.S. kids become children of divorce. In settling child custody issues, their parents are likely to hammer out co-parenting agreements - committing to working together to raise their kids in spite of a divorce or separation. But co-parenting has its challenges. In the second part of our series of occasional articles on co-parenting, we look at how to make the transition from separated couple to parenting team.

Working together to help your child grow into a happy, confident and well-adjusted adult is something that all parents should aspire to. But it’s not something that comes easily to newly divorced or separated parents, or even to parents who were living apart in the first place.

It takes hard work to craft a “”co-parenting”" relationship that enables parents to cooperate in a way that benefits their child. As separated or divorced parents, you choose to live apart because you can’t see eye to eye on many things, and it’s unreasonable to expect that you’ll be able to immediately step away from all of that and become a cheery, friendly, co-parenting couple.

It can take months or years to forge a new relationship as parents together. But no matter how long it takes - or how difficult it is - finding a way to cooperate together as parents ultimately does pay off.

Keep your child uppermost in mind

Divorce or separation is devastating for children. It’s normal for them to experience anger, sadness, helplessness, fear and withdrawal.

8 cardinal rules of co-parenting

In order for co-parenting to succeed, there are some important rules that all co-parents should follow:

1. Do not use your child as a go-between.

2. Do not discuss your feelings about the other parent with your child.

3. Always remember that your child needs time with both of you to grow up healthy and happy.

4. If possible, never argue in front of your child.

5. Be flexible whenever possible.

6. Think of parenting time as benefiting your child, not you or the other parent.

7. Envision yourself and the other parent as a team.

8. If you are the residential parent, include the other parent as much as possible.

It is impossible for you as a parent to fully protect your child from the impact of the divorce. Your family has changed, and you have to expect that your child will need time to adjust. But the way that you and the other parent handle the change of a divorce, and the years following it, has a huge impact on the kind of experience it is for your child.

The purpose of your divorce was likely to end the fighting, to improve how you both feel, and to create happier lives for everyone. If you go through the divorce, only to continue arguing and fostering unpleasant feelings toward the other parent, you haven’t made a lot of improvements in your family’s life.

You can’t give your child proper support and attention if you and the other parent are always focused on what the other is doing wrong, or if you continue to dredge up bad feelings from your relationship as a couple.

Developing a new relationship that is low-conflict, pleasant on the surface, and routine will help your child relax and begin to feel more comfortable with the new arrangement. You will be able to focus more directly on your child’s needs. Your child will function better if she knows that there are two parents united behind her.

Learn how to think

Learning to co-parent means making a mental shift in the way you think about the other person. This is a person who has undoubtedly hurt you, let you down, insulted you, or worked against you in your relationship. It may seem like a tall order to set that aside and smilingly co-parent together.

You need to mentally compartmentalize your relationship with the other parent. In one room, put all of your feelings about him or her as your partner or spouse. All the hurt and anger from a divorce goes behind that door. You can go into that room whenever you need to, to work through those feelings.

In another room goes your relationship with this person as a parent. In this room, there is a table where you can sit and work together to create a good life for your child. On the walls are photos of your child in happy moments. This is the room you must place yourself in mentally when you are dealing with the other parent in a parenting situation.

This compartmentalizing is something you must commit to doing. It may be hard to sit in one room in your mind, while you know that the other room is next door. But you must direct your attention to cooperating and welcoming the other parent into your child’s life so your child can have the benefit of two parents who are reasonable, pleasant and accommodating to each other.



Natural Nurturing: Parenting Prodigies

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009
parenting
Sumathi.S asked:


Prodigies are born, not made! Parents of prodigies have a very demanding role to play if their prodigious off springs are to make it big in life. Children who make dramatic entries disappear fast, as parents do precious little to handle their greatness. Pressure to perform and perform consistently, high expectations of an overambitious society can mar the greatness of the prodigies. They need to keep their feet firmly grounded. This article aims at analysing the role of parents from identifying prodigies to guiding their brilliant children towards higher achievements. This article elicits a select set of prodigies particularly from India to analyse the role of their parents in grooming them.

 Introduction

A child, usually lesser than 10 who shows the ability to perform at very high levels in the mode of a well trained adult in a field deemed extremely difficult and under very demanding circumstances is considered to be a prodigy. Prodigies are generally spotted in well structured disciplines that extract superior mental abilities like music and mathematics.

But that could also be the conventional view of identifying child prodigies. Nowadays, even in fields hitherto unheard of, we can identify them as in the field of sports – where the criterion or the definition for ascertaining a prodigy is not necessarily by age (within 10 years) but by performance that include the level and the opposition at a relatively young age. 

Somehow researchers have never been interested in a study of the prodigies. Dr Feldman and his colleagues attempted one in 1991, but not with much success. All that they could find was that child prodigies are more likely to belong to fields with concrete and established  rules such as music, math and  chess. Creative arts like painting, writing are comparatively rare perhaps because they demand greater experience.  There are however a few exceptions.

Alissa Quart deemed a prodigy herself, claims that prodigies are predictable in quantitative fields while in qualitative ones hey are not just hard to come by but are even difficult to assess if they are prodigies or merely gifted children.  Converse to accepted view, a child wih outstandingly high IQ cannot be automatically regarded a prodigy, while it is equally true that not all prodigies are endowed with a high IQ, because they seldom fare well in a standardized set of learning.

Sports prodigies are judged by a completely different parameter. A certain physical growth is required to show abilities and flair for the sport. This means we may not see prodigies under 10 years, but perhaps about 15 years. Most prodigies are identified in their early teens.

Role of parents in the success of a child prodigy

Research on the brain functioning of a prodigy reveals that not only are they amazing but very different as well in comparison to normal children.  It is still not clear whether it is in their nature or is it that they are nurtured to carry out such astonishing feats.

Much of course depends on the parents. It is quite necessity that parents create an environment conducive to honing their talent. The environment stimulates the child’s overwhelming potential. Very often, the child’s field of interest would be the same as that of at least one of the parents. Facts from the past vindicate this point. Picasso’s father was a painter; Mozart’s father was a renowned musician and so on. But Psychologists claim that there is no compulsion to this rule.  There are children with immense potential in a field completely different from those of the parents. Shakuntala Devi, the mathematical genius’s father was employed as a human cannon-ball in a circus company in Bangalore while her mother was a very shy homemeaker.

Irrespective of the child’s field of interest, the parents ought to stimulate the child’s fascination for the subject. There is a thin line that demarcates stimulation or motivation and pressurizing. When parents push the child for more, rather than allow the child to decide its limits, then motivation turns out to be stressful. This is an area that parents have to be cautious. Ainan Cawley, is born to a British father and Singaporean mother. He is a chemistry prodigy, who has taken an Ó’level in chemistry at the age of 6.At seven, his parents were pushing him for a University degree and were actually looking for sponsors. This would make him appear  a puppet in their hands and not the scientific genius that he ought to be. Ainan’s father, Valentine, refuses to allow his son’s abilities to stagnate.  “Imagine you are the strongest man in the world and someone says to you, try lifting something small like a banana. It’s like asking him to deny his true nature. Well, it’s the same with a child prodigy.”

If pressurizing the child to perform is one grave error, stipulating the child to meet their expectations is ever more precarious. Most American child prodigies vanish into thin air after a brief virtuoso in their respective fields. Itzhak Perlman a violin genius blamed it on all parents who have a self designed agenda for their children. He claims that some parents’ schema is suspect, as they want to achieve fame through their child.

Americans, in particular never seem to know to handle prodigies. The American society always demands perfection. Driven by these wrought beliefs, the parents of prodigies expect their child to behave well in public, dress up smart and generally present themselves in a manner that would conform to the part of the world they belong. Non conformists are generally pronounced a misfit however brilliant they are otherwise. Here is a classic example :

Alissa Quart claims that  “the over-cultivated can develop self-esteem problems and performance anxiety.” She cites, Brandenn  Bremmer as a living or perhaps a dead example of how societal and therefore parental demands of conformity can ruin a prodigy. Bremmer  entered college at an incredible age of just10.  Four years later, in 2005, he shot himself in the head. He had told Quart in an interview: “America is a society that demands perfection.”[4]

Jennifer Capriati is another case of withered prodigy. She became the youngest Wimbledon semi-finalist in 1991 at a tender age of 15. She followed it up with the coveted Olympic gold the next year. Just two later, in 1994 she was caught for possessing a prohibited drug called marijuana. Her attempt to revive her tennis passion after a short rehabilitation was amply rewarded when she became world No 1 in WTA rankings, but is plagued with a spate of injuries and has since disappeared from the scene.

The independent and flamboyant lifestyle of hers is said to be responsible for these activities. The Great American independent culture, imprisoning parents to question their child’s ways disabled the Tennis star’s home front reining her in. Hers is perhaps one of those that have surfaced. Several American genius dissolve into thin air through these juvenile distractions. Particularly when parents exercise no control over them.

Eccentricity comes hand in hand with prodigies. Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein are two remowned luminaries who worked themselves into distinguishable scientists par excellence and indifferent personalities. What is astonishing about them is that no one cared to take a second glance at them in their formative days. That Einstein was a school dropout is well known. This certainly adds to the already pressurized parents. The need to conform or belong rides heavily on them until they prove that they have traversed beyond these simple fastidiousness. But then not everyone can be an Einstein.

It is not really fortunate that we live in a world which produces amazing children to overriding ambitious parents, if the prenatal womb bound foetus enrichment products like BabyPlus Womb Songs and the high-concept teaching devices like Baby Einstein DVDs are any indication. Parents are anxious to help  their children  remain competitive. Such measures backfire as the child ‘s inherent limitations are summoned to respond.  “Designating children as gifted, especially extremely gifted, and cultivating that giftedness may be not only a waste of money, but positively harmful,” Alissa adds.

However, it is quite heartening to note that Indian parents in general have shown equanimity is guiding prodigies. S. Chandra Sekhar, strove   all by himself without any unnecessary push from his parents to emerge as  the youngest to pass the Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer tests at age 10 in the year  2000 is a case in point.  In 2003, he is believed to have joined an elite group of scientists to work on the hacker-proof security systems for India’s major computer networks.

Apart from Chandra Sekhar, there have been many prodigies who have made it remarkable big. The culture and the family systems lend themselves to guiding children along to realize their full potential at the right time and not prematurely blossom to wither away into obscurity. Of course there has been a lot of pressure on the parents to ensure off spring success. Particularly with nuclear family and both parents working, the pressure is really high. Going by the success rate of prodigies in India, it can be assured that parenting in India continues to retain the glories of the age old tradition. Given below is a short list of prodigious children who have made it big, and have attributed their success to their parents.

Shakuntala Devi

Shakuntala Devi, Mathematical prodigy since the pre independence era, exhibited her penchant for number calculations when she was just 3. She used to play card tricks regularly with ther father who worked as a human canon ball in a circus company. Her versatile abilities at numerical calculations got recognized when she demonstrated them in the University of Mysore at the age of 6 and Annnamalai Univsrsity at the age of 8. Unlike other mathematical genius like Truman Henry Safford who lost their calculating felicities during adulthood, she retains her skill even at the age of 60 in 1977 when she extracted the 23rd root of a 201 digit number faster than a computer/ calculator. This is easily the most amazing feat of any genius in any field. In  June 1980, she  multiplied a 13 digit number by another 13 digit number in 28 seconds. The Computer Department of Imperial College London, had earlier made a random selection of the digits in these numbers.  The multiplication problem of a 26 digit number  in just 28 seconds engraved  her name in the  Guinness Book of World Records in 1995.  Considering the time taken for dictating the number, that must have left even less time for the calculation, this is simply astounding. There is also an instance when she had proved the machine wrong.

But much of these were achieved not just because she was a prodigy. She was born in a well-known orthodox family of Brahmin priests in Bangalore. Her grandfather gave her early lessons in mathematics. The extended family set up  in which she lived in her formative years, channeled the young whiz kid’s natural felicity with numbers. She was identified as a child prodigy when she was just 5. Since then her parents , especially her father, ensured that she was not over exposed, her education in the normal sense of the term was given top priority. Today she has grown up to be  renowned writer, speaker holding  a doctoral degree from the University of Rajasthan. The fact that she was able to balance fame and her personal life is ample testimony to the fact her parents stood firmly rooted on the ground, never attempted to attain artificial fame either for her or for their own selves.  Genius from the age of three, a soul stirring speaker, a fine writer, a living marvel, an internationally celebrated mathematician SHAKUNTALA DEVI, an inspirational role model for the youth.

Mandolin Srinivas.

“Some of you have heard or read about exceptionally gifted children, our own Mandolin Shrinivas, Sir Yehudi Menuhin, Beethoven, Sir Isaac Newton, Picasso, Madam Curie, the list is endless” That is where he belongs…

At the tender age of six U. Srinivas picked up his father Satyanarayana’s mandolin. It is normal for the father to gently chide his son, quietly remove the expensive, rare instrument from his hands and in the process safe guarded both the instrument and the boy. The world would have lost the prodigy then and there.

Sathnarayana was not to be the commonplace, unexciting father. Upon recognizing the flair for music in general and the instrument in particular in his son, his father became his first Guru. He began in a very humble fashion and started teaching him the basics of whatever Carnatic music he knew. But Srinivas thirsted for more. The genius in him craved higher forms and he is supposed to have reproduced whatever was just spoken. Thgis prompted the father to rethink on tutoruing young Srinivas. He met his guru, Rudraraju Subbaraju, who realized the potential of U. Srinivas and began his classes with him. Rudraraju Subbaraju was an expert singer but had no clue of the instrument. So he would sing and Srinivas would reproduce the music in the instrument. 

Mandolin was Srinivas’ first love. As a child he had never tired of playing on the instrument. His father was quick to realize his potential and recognized the prodigy in him. He devoted his efforts and energy in giving all possible support to nourish his talent. That he hailed form a not so well to do family did not deter either the father or the son from enhancing hid latent skills. Srinivas first shot into the limelight in Gudivada a little known village in Krishna district of Andhra Pradesh, during the Sri Thyagaraja Aradhana festival. He was just around nine years young. This took the entire Carnatic world by storm. His father would not just accompany him to the concerts but would actually be on the Tampura a stringed instrument essential to set and maintain the pitch.

When his recognition spread far and wide, he shifted bases to Chennai and his parents moved along. His father turned out to be his manager as well initially managing his engagements and concert schedules. He saw to it that the young genius is neither over loaded not over stressed. He spaced out his concerts in such a way that he got his fare share in terms of number of concerts at the same time enough gap between each of them for  a well deserved rest.

His connections wtith the Western Classical musicians speak volumes about his undersanding of music in general. He has given several joint concerts with the greatest of them too. 

Laurels, accolades and awards followed him wherever he went. But he remained unfazed by the newly earned riches or encomiums. Despite his active schedule, that included several foreign trips, he continued to learn and enhance his knowledge of music. This also meant that he had no time for formal education. His father was there to ensure that his son had at least minimal education, principally through private coaching.

The public adulation for the charming urbane smiling little boy continues till today, as a young man and would continue in the future too. So much for his popularly that it was generally felt if music is God’s greatest gift to human kind, then U.Srinivas is God’s choicest gift to world music

SachinTendulkar

 ”Sachin Tendulkar is an important person of our country. He is our country’s wealth and we will protect him,” said Mumbai’s Commissioner of Police, MN Singh following kidnap threats he received from militant groups. This was the level of adulation he receives from every Indian.

One of the very few genius to transform ‘’stones thrown at them into milestones, Sachin Tendulkar is prodigy par excellence. One of the greatest batsmen of all times, he holds as many as 75 records in cricket. This in itself is a record, as no other sports legend holds as many.

Is Sachin a one day wonder? Yes and no. He is the world’s greatest one day batsman, but a genius of all time. That succinctly explains the equation. The following describes his entry into international cricket at a tender age of 16. A record straight away at that point in time - the youngest to make international debut in cricket.

He made his debut in the year 1989, in Pakistan. Sachin, under aged for a driving licence, nevertheless was facing the most dreaded bowlers of the times.  Pakistani crowds taunted the young lad, with  placards roaring “ Dudh Pita Bhachcha ..ghar jaake dhoodh pee”, (hey kid, go home and drink milk). But Sachin was undeterred. He  sent the leg spinner Mustaq Ahmed virtually absconding having  hit him for two sixes in one over. This demoralized mentor the legendary Abdul Qadir. All the same, walked in and  challenged Sachin ” Bachchon ko kyon mar rahe ho? Hamein bhi maar dikhao ` (`Why are you hitting kids? Try and hit me.`)

.

Sachin was silent, decided to let his bat reply. He obliged Quadir’s simple request by hitting  4 sixes in the over, humbling him for cover. making the spinner look the kid in the contest. The over read 6, 0, 4, 6 6 6, Sure, David destroyed Goliath … and a cricketing marvel was born.

 A short peep into  his boyhood days reveals much about his familial relationship. He was born into a middle class family and not with a silver spoon.

He becomes emotional while talking about his family. His own words  sums it all.

I won’t be where I am without the support of all my family members, my coach Ramakant Achrekar who used to drag me from my home to practice at nets and all my friends who have stood by me all these years”.Tendulkar said.

Sachin got his first bat, a wooden block that is used on those days for washing clothes from his Grandmother. And he still has that wooden thing as a remembrance. A total family man, he was groomed to be firmly grounded despite the name and fame he has achieved. His father Ramesh Tendulkar was a Marathi poet of renown.  Realising his son’s potential in the game he was willing to change the school Sachin was studying to enable him to get more practice and exposure to the game. This change was instrumental in the record of 664 runs which he made along with his friend and fellow India player Vinod Kambli. They were in class 9 then.

Cricket was and is a rich game. But most cricketers even during those times would have a back up to their source of income. But Sachin’s father was more than just willing to let his youngest son take to cricket as fish would to water. Never compelled him about the importance of academics or even complete his schooling. He was convinced that his son could make it big in the sport of his choice and passion. The father allowed that liberty to his son.

His major influence on Sachin is the importance on commitment to his work that he inculcated in the young mind. This was evident when in the 1999 World Cup in England, he returned within three days to resume work after his father’s sudden demise. That was the commitment to his profession his father taught him. He did not stop there. He came back and scored a century in the next match and dedicated it to his father.

The imprint of the father that we cannot miss  in Sachin Tendulkar is the humility even in the best of times. Never has anyone heard or seen Sachin brag about his abilities though he has proved them time and again. Honesty is Sachin’s watchword. He would never resort to unlawful means to move as much as an inch forward in his career. He would accept defeat with grace. In all these, we can notice the stamp of Ramesh Tendulkar.

Even today he is a supreme role model and an inspiration to many youngsters. A lesson about him is included in the high school English text book for the learners  to learn the art of achieving greatness by reinstating high moral and ethical values when sledging rules the roost in international cricket.

Mumbai’s most valuable son has left no cricketing stone untouched and touched nothing that he did not adorn. 

The recent prodigy:

Nine-year old girl M. Lavinashree, is youngest to become Microsoft Certified Professional unsettling the record held by a Pakistani girl . The wonder kid already holds a long list of records in her short life that includes the recitation of all the 1330 Thirukkural couplets. All these at the age of three when mort children would not have even learnt to speak fluently.

 It will be interesting watch this gifted genius grow full strength to achive greatness in her life. Of course much depends on her parents and their parenting ways. With the full glare of media attention and public curiosity, the parents indeed are in an unenviable position to guide her appropriately. They face the greatest challenge of their times so that the child grows to achieve immensely in her life.

Conclusion

Parenting plays a very crucial role in guiding child prodigies in the right direction. Not all prodigies tend to make the news, but do go about their lives maintaining a low profile, quietly and successfully without inviting attention. They are known better after their time as is the case of Ramanujam  or a Shelley. On the other hand, not all geniuses who make a dramatic entry in this world go on to become great. Much of their destiny is directed by the parents and their attitude, ambition and aspirations.

A great poet Thomas Gray, said

“Full many a gem of purest ray serene

            The dark unfathomed caves of the ocean bear

Full many a flower is born to blush unseen

            And waste its sweetness on the desert air”.

The world is scattered with a Shakuntala or a Srinivas or a Sachin or perhaps a hundred Lavinashrees. It is the prime duty of the parents not just to identify and reveal them to the world but steer them to accomplish the mission providence had sent them for.

Geniuses are born not made!

 References

 The Times November 10, 2007

 Alexandra Frean, Education Editor 10 June, 2002, UK

 Laura June, India Today, Dec 23rd 2008

THE HINDU, Sunday, May 3, 1992



Divorce Support For Parents: Successful Email Communication

Monday, June 22nd, 2009
parenting
Laura Doerflinger, MS, LMHC asked:


Want to successfully raise your children after divorce? Communication is a must! Though many divorcing couples would like nothing better than to sever ties, former spouses do become co parents. And clearly some co parenting situations are stressful. The negotiation process, which may have failed during the marriage, is dissolved. Many of the responsibilities of the past are gone with the onset of divorce; however, one remains. Co parenting your children is an ongoing, life-long job.

After divorce, parents sometimes feel free to express themselves and make individual parenting choices. This parenting isolation, however, puts children in a difficult situation. Children who are raised in two homes with two distinctive styles can become confused and emotionally unsettled. Parents need to remain in contact, which isn’t so easy if parents don’t like each other. At times, recommending contact is like forcing a child to eat broccoli.

Many therapists recommend email communication for co parents. Writing an email can be non-threatening— if done properly. “Properly” is the key word here. I have spent years being copied on emails that frankly shocked me. Thus, to co-parent properly via email, parents can use a format that I call Kid News. Here’s what it might look like:

Kid News

School: Grades, homework, incidents at school, forms that need to be filled out etc. Health:   Colds, doctors’ appointments, dentist, counseling, moods, puberty etc. Financial: Payments due or parenting plan division of costs for activities, medical etc. Schedule Changes: Upcoming changes to the current schedule, changes in your child’s plans, residential and holiday times etc. Vacations: Clarification of times and plans - phone numbers etc. Upcoming Events: Social, school, extracurricular or sport activities in which your child has expressed an interest.

Each family will have different items in their “Kid News.” Issues can be added as they arise. There are, however, two things to keep in mind. Firstly, children do best when they travel home to home rather than planet to planet. That is to say, that a consistent daily schedule is important. For instance, if while at mom’s home the child does his homework right after school, it is best if he does his homework after school at dad’s house too. If the schedule can be kept as consistent as possible, then the children will flow from one home to the other with ease.

Secondly, children have moods, develop phobias, and change developmentally rather quickly. “Kids News” can be a place to share concerns or observed changes. Finally, it is important to note that this is not the forum to discuss issues between parents. A line must be drawn between your personal relationship and your co-parenting responsibilities.

To make this work, parents pick a day to send their news based on the parenting plan schedule. If you drop off the children to their other home on Sunday night, send the Kid News on Monday. Write the newsletter using only the facts: “David had a cold this weekend. He rested and seems to be doing fine now.” Or “Julie gave me a form for school pictures. I copied it and put the form back in her backpack.” And be sure not to give instructions to the other parent like, “Make sure you give David his cough syrup at night.” You can say, “He slept well when he was given cough syrup at night.” Co parents must realize their range of influence over the other parent is limited. In my experience most parent-to-parent challenges are due to the desire for control over the other parent.

Both parents need to send news from their personal perspective and experience with the children. Always respond to the other parent’s news. Check through each item to see if a response is needed and, if not, thank the other parent for the effort. This will limit needless email contact. Finally, if you are the parent who is interested in Kid News and the other is not, continue to write. The other parent’s behavior should not influence the way you do your job.

Copyright 2008 Parent Education Group - Reprints Accepted - Two links must be active in the bio. The article homepage: http://www.familyauthority.com/articles/divorce_support.html



Top 7 Parenting Tips for Good Parenting: Bring Out the Best in you and your Kids!

Friday, June 19th, 2009
parenting
Kelly Nault-Matzen asked:


Even though we need a license to do many things in life — everything from driving and operating a forklift to practicing medicine and fishing — there is no license required to become a parent and this is often the trickiest of all of the above activities!

Parenting today is far more difficult than it was, even a generation ago. Many well-intentioned parents are using outdated and ineffective parenting styles. As a result, they experience daily frustration and stress in their home.

Below you will find my top 7 tips for good parenting. These tips inspire children to want to be well behaved, can reduce family fights and boost family joy.

Good Parenting Tip #1 – If you love your kids—put yourself first!

One of the best things we can do for our children is to give them a foundation for becoming a happy and healthy adult. Self-care should not be a luxury for parents—it needs to become a necessity. You need self-care both for being a good parent and a healthy and balanced human being. Far too many children are living with parents who are stressed out and frankly, not at all fun to be around. If you are repeatedly burning the midnight oil, you may be on the brink of parent burnout—not a pleasant thing for you or your family to experience.

Good Parenting Tip #2 – If married—put your marriage before your kids!

Most of us have heard of Generation X and Generation Y. But did you realize that Generation S—Generation Spoiled—is on the rise? Many children today are raised with an unhealthy sense of entitlement because their parents have made them the center of the universe. With divorce statistics still hovering around 50%, children are far too often coping with unhappy, failing marriages and divorce– much worse for them than missing out on a couple of toys or brand name jeans. Take a stand and put some time into your marriage (like go on a date night)—for your whole family’s sake!

Good Parenting Tip #3 – Cherish your children

No matter what your situation—no matter how often your children drive you crazy—know there are thousands of people in this world who would gladly trade places with you. There are couples who would give anything to just have a child. Strive to remember how truly fortunate you are. Hug your children at least three times a day. Regularly tell them how grateful you are to have the opportunity to be their parent.

Good Parenting Tip #4 – Teach your kids to fish—don’t fish for them!

Many parents do everything for their kids. This only robs their children of the opportunity to learn self-reliance—which is vital to building their self-esteem. One of the best things you can do is to help your kids learn how to do things for themselves. One of the chapters of my first book on effective parenting is called "How To Get Your Kids Doing Their Chores Smiling". Some parents think I am from another planet when I even suggest that kids can learn to do chores with a smile on their face. These same doubting parents are often happily surprised when they see it is possible—in their own home and in this century! Household chores teach basic life skills everyone needs to know. Also, chores give children the opportunity to contribute to the household in a positive and meaningful way.

Good Parenting Tip #5 – Focus on what you like, not on what you don’t

If children aren’t being appreciated and aren’t getting attention for what they do well—and when they behave well—you better believe they will learn to get attention for not behaving well. The more you notice what you like about what they’re doing, the less likely they are to morph into destructive little terrors and the more likely you will inspire your child to repeat the good behaviors and achievements you love.

Good Parenting Tip #6 – Give respect and expect it in return

Don’t do anything to your child that you wouldn’t want your child to do to you. The list of things you don’t want to be doing includes: yelling, hitting, spitting, and put downs. There are far better ways for you to handle conflict, stress and common misbehaviors. Commit to learning these “Ultimate Parenting” tools that are based on mutual respect—not fear based punishment that only teaches our kids to not get caught next time!

Good Parenting Tip #7 – A family that plays together stays together!

Have fun—play with your kids. Laughing, tickling, and enjoying one another’s company is the foundation of a happy home. Having fun can go a long way towards preventing much of the needless conflict and behaviors that drive you crazy. It also provides your family with much needed quality time.

These seven effective parenting tips above are child-proofed, effective and fun. By taking the time to learn how to bring out the best in you and in your children, you will reap the rewards that come from the peace of mind—knowing that you did all you could to support and nurture a happy and healthy family life.



Baby Care Products - What You Should Look For In Baby Safety Products

Friday, June 19th, 2009
baby care
Tom Healy asked:


Knowing what baby care products you should be looking for can be a troublesome and stressful experience for any new parent. Baby safety is very important, and the anticipation of the responsibility that being a new parent necessarily involves is usually coupled with being inundated with brochures, leaflets and books listing countless dozens of essential products that you will need to purchase and install.

A very important consideration for your new baby is the question of temperature. It is easy for small children to get very cold, particularly in their hands and feet, so make sure that you have plenty of baby clothes, rompers or sleepers, and items to cover the little extremities such as mittens and booties. It is important to make sure that your new baby’s head is always covered, as a good deal of heat can be lost through the head, and for this reason a bonnet or hat is important. This is particularly true if your child is born during the winter months.

There has been much written about how to ensure that your baby is safe whilst sleeping in their cot or Moses basket. Make sure they sleep on their side or on their back and that you do not use pillows, duvets or loose toys, as these can easily cover the face of your baby, resulting in possible breathing difficulties. Keep in mind that cribs and cots must meet federal and ASTM standards, so if you purchase yours from one of the top manufacturers you can be sure that these are met.

It is also important to make sure that your baby is sleeping in a room which is of an appropriate temperature. There are a range of baby thermometers available which clearly indicate the optimum temperature for your baby’s nursery. If the room is quite warm then it is important not to use polyester sheets, and to remove any plastic wrapping that may be around the mattress. Make sure that you have plenty of baby blankets, and warm slick suits or rompers, in case the temperature drops too low.

There are a tremendous number of baby safety devices available to help protect your baby from the various dangers that an average family home presents. From baby gates to door stoppers, from electrical output plugs to fireguards - the sheer number and variety can be overwhelming. But in thinking about baby care products it is easy to forget that many of these items might be better described as toddler care products. It will be several months before your baby stands any chance of being able to get anywhere near any of these household dangers.

For this reason it is usually advisable for new parents to focus on those products that are actually going to be needed in the first few days and weeks of your new baby arriving. Baths and bottles are of particular importance. As a mother, whether you have decided to breast-feed or bottle feed it is sound advice to have bottles and baby milk formula ready just in case.

You will also need to make sure that you have a way of sterilizing the bottles, and it may well be advisable to practice sterilizing and making up the bottles of milk. Make sure that your bottles are glass: Canada has banned the use of plastic bottles due the possible content of Bisphenol A (BPA) in polycarbonate bottles, and many environmental organizations are suggesting that other countries should do the same due to its possible adverse effect on the endocrine system, responsible for the regulation of hormones in the body.

When it comes to transport, car seats are of critical importance and you will have to purchase this before you get baby home. If there is one baby care product that must purchase new it is this. This is not the time to take a chance on second hand goods, the history of which you do not know, and any child car seat could have been previously damaged without your knowledge. Also make sure to check the expiration date - yes, they have one - and that the seat is facing to the rear until your child is over one year old and at least 20 ponds, when he or she can be switched to a forward facing seat.

It is impossible to know for certain which baby care products your own baby will take to best. As long as you have purchased a good quality crib or cot, with appropriate sheets and blankets, a huge number of nappies and changes of clothes for the first few days and are confident in using the baby milk bottles and sterilizers, then the chances are that you will thoroughly enjoy the first few days of having your new baby, although in your sleep deprived state it is unlikely that you will

remember this!

It is often difficult for new parents to understand what baby care products they should purchase for their new addition to the family. The problem is not the range available, but knowledge of all the hazards presented to babies, and how to protect them from the risks these hazards present. Baby safety is specific to new babies that cannot help themselves should they be in trouble.

Go online and check out the latest information on recent recalls of dangerous baby products that has been provided by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC).